Bros before Hoes.


My whole life, I’ve been friends with men. I grew up with a group of boys who taught me the ways of the world, and through them I learned a lot of really interesting thing — specifically things about relationships.

From a young age, I knew that something existed called the “bro code.” The premise of said code being quite simple: Bros before Hoes.

When I entered the dating world, I assumed this would be universal. Members of the same sex would stick together, because in the dog eat dog world of relationships, someone had to be there to support you, right? Wrong. Ironically, the “Girl Code” is also “Bros before Hoes”.

Men are never wrong. Women have this flawed frame of mind where they immediately attack all women, but, even though both a man and a woman had to make that choice these woman are so worked up about, they ignore the man’s actions. They believe him over the warnings of their friends. They tell everyone they meet terrible stories about the “nasty homewrecking whore”. They put a bro way before their fellow hoes.

I distinctly remember talking to my best friend (a male) one night about this concept of gender loyalty in relationships. And he said something that really stuck with me: “It’s simple, really. If my friend slept with my girlfriend, I’d confront him. But if you slept with your girlfriend’s boyfriend, she’d talk to everyone except for you about it.” And never has anyone said something more accurate.

That’s the very reason that I don’t believe I owe loyalty to women anymore. And maybe that makes me a terrible person, but why go out of my way to help you out when I know that you’d run your mouth about me the first chance you got?

But really. Have you ever noticed that the other woman is immediately vilified as a dirty slut, while the man’s actions are never even commented on? It takes two to tango, sweetheart, and if your boyfriend cheated on you — the real problem is him, not her.

Why do we, as women, feel the need to attack other women? It’s obvious that everyone is out to get everyone else. But why?

So what if she’s kissed a lot of guys? She’s still supposed to be your friend, so damn it, act like one. Don’t run around telling everyone how she’s a terrible person and you can’t believe her unless you’re willing to say something to her face. And who cares if one of the men she kissed has also kissed another of your friends? IT ISN’T HER FAULT. Maybe you should just look at the man who is the connecting factor.

But, ladies, if everyone has warned you about him, and you make the choice, then you should be prepared for the consequences. I’m going to have a very hard time feeling bad for you when you end up heartbroken after you ignored everyone telling you about him, and all of the warning signs, and you didn’t ask the girl all of the rumors are about, but instead decided to talk about her to all of her friends.

That girl he slept with while he was dating you did nothing wrong. She didn’t know about you. Granted, she’d heard some rumors, but how was she to know they were true? Also, she came first.

This is why I don’t believe in the “Girl Code” that I’ve heard talk of. Now whether or not we believe it as fervently as the men and their “Bro Code” is open for debate. However, I don’t think I owe you anything. I don’t owe you an explanation. I don’t owe you an apology. And I don’t feel bad for you. Everyone has to learn a lesson or two the hard way, and I suppose this will be one of yours.

In almost every situation involving two girls, one man, and a lie — the wrong person is judged. So, why fake this loyalty? Why expect me to tell you if your boyfriend cheats on you with me if you’ve spent the past month complaining to everyone except for me about me? Why should I be your friend and give you relationship advice if you’re going to tell everyone how I’m making bad life choices because I kissed a boy at a party who, heaven forbid, has kissed another girl we know?

You can’t claim every man you’ve ever kissed as your own. You can’t be mad at the girl who talks to a man you liked and didn’t reciprocate that emotion. You can’t be mad at the girl who was with him before you for sleeping with him when she didn’t know about you. In theory, she can be mad at you. But chances are she isn’t because she’s a really rational individual, and you, are really, really naive.

I no longer feel that I owe anything to anyone. If I do something, an explanation is not owed to anyone. Because what is that girl going to do? Tell everyone what are terrible bitch I am for having mad an error in judgment, and completely ignore my attempt to rectify the situation. So why even try?

Until women quit blaming, attacking and gossiping about other women, there’s no reason to even try and be open with your gender mates. You may as well do what you want, because the rumors will say you did anyways.


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