How He Gets What He Wants


I’ve realized that some of my better blogs have been retrospective how to guides to myself. There’s something about “I told myself so” that I find really therapeutic. Here’s another shot at a list to myself of things to run away from. If only I could really learn from my own mistakes.

  1. If he quotes Shakespeare to you, you can’t trust him. It is obvious that he knows how to act, and those beautiful, enchanting words won’t do much but make you fall for him even harder when you know you shouldn’t. So, if he starts quoting Big Bill, you get up and walk out that door. You’ll thank me later.
  2. If you receive a phone call at any time after midnight, you should probably just ignore it. In the off chance you think he may have been hit by a car and needs taken to a hospital and you answer, as soon as he tells you he’s at a bar, you should leave. Because, newsflash, sweetie, you’re his last call. And he doesn’t want to talk.
  3. If he tells you some heart wrenching story that makes you think he’s got a reason to be such an asshole, for the love of God, don’t listen. You’ll be justifying all of the Hell you’ve been through, and pretty soon you’ll be agreeing with him that you deserved what you got.
  4. The second he brushes back your hair, kisses you gently, or talks about how beautiful you are — realize that he is lying. He enjoys manipulating you, and probably every other girl ever. Also, if he wants to cuddle, you really, really shouldn’t. Because, as we all know, it’s never, ever just cuddling.
  5. If he tells you to tell him you like him, or asks if you love him (even as a friend), or to tell him what you want from him — don’t do it. He’s trying to get you to tell him you have feelings. And as soon as you do it, he’ll really enjoy every time you send him a text message and he ignores it. So, just stop trying, girls. I am. Hopefully.
  6. This one’s quite unfortunate. But as soon as you really feel like you can be yourself around him, that’s probably about the time he’s gotten what he wants and it will be just about over. You’ll enjoy sitting up for hours when you have an exam in the morning laughing and talking about everything, and then the next day he’ll want to pretend it never happened. And you’ll just be there wishing it didn’t.
  7. If ever he tells you that you’re his type, you’re a great girl, or “moments like these are what make it so hard on him,” just get up and walk out the door. I know it’s hard to resist him, but he doesn’t mean it. It’s just another way he’s winning you over.
  8. If he’s got a reputation, you should probably avoid him. Because even if it doesn’t end up being completely true, he got it somehow. And that means he knows what he’s doing, and no matter how good you are, he’ll beat you at your own game every time.
  9. If any part of your encounter is supposed to be kept private, it probably shouldn’t happen. Because that means he has something to hide from someone, and that something should never be you.
  10. If he uses the words chemistry or connection, that’s a pretty good sign he’s manipulating you. Phrases like “you’re my last good thing here” also count. And, if you try to leave and he tells you to stay, get up and walk away.  Because if you don’t, you’ve played right into his trap.

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