always a girl friend, never a girlfriend.


Recently, I’ve been informed that I’m a great girl friend. I don’t bring drama to a relationship, I’m comfortable being one of the guys. I’m not offended by vulgar jokes or crude bodily functions, and, just in general, I mesh better with the male population. So, thus, I am a kick ass girl friend.

However, apparently, this does not make me a good girlfriend. Its funny how difficult it is to get rid of that tiny, little space. Even though, I actually am a fantastic girlfriend. I cook, and pretty damn well at that. I clean. I give THE GREATEST gifts ever, I understand the importance of bro time and I’m just all around wonderful.

But, I’ve been told a lot lately, that it doesn’t matter. To stop “presenting myself as a friend and put myself out there”. LIKE WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. I just, like, am not going to actually start throwing myself at men or acting all damsel in distress like to land myself a man. I’m not quite that desperate, my dears, my apologies. 

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I am going to tell you this about myself. I dig myself into these holes. I don’t really like nice men, so that immediately sets me up for failure. When one treats me well, buys me flowers, says kind things — I tend to run the other way. Apparently the story goes that I like being treated poorly. That’s fine, I’ve accepted it and moved on. Its not that nice guys aren’t out there, its that I would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than have some manchild telling me about his feelings.

So, no. I’m not going to go and make myself more feminine to play to the tastes of these men that I’m so lucky to call my friends.  I am just not in anyway interested in that, and I think that means I’d have to shower and shave my legs, two things I’m presently not at all concerned with.

I’ll keep up my ways, and the douche bags in my life can keep up with theirs, and we can all just be great friends and instead of finding myself a life companion with a human male, I’ll be friends with them and go buy myself a dog. And probably some beer. And live out the rest of my days with my friends.

I mean, shouldn’t it be better to have a bunch of friends than be dependent on one person forever? Yeah. That’s sort of what I was thinking. But that’s just me. So, girl friend it is — a title I will wear proudly. In cohorts with single, but that’s fine.

So, here’s to being a girl friend, not a girlfriend. And happy, not upset. YOLO, Brah. [And that right there is probably what got me that title of mine]



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